Yesterday we got a card in the mail from the Grr’s friend Chandler in Israoo, were cover in oo sorts o pretty, squiggly lookin writin! On the stamps an evvythins. The Grr told me what this were cooed Eebrew, what them writes in Israoo an when them am Jeweesh.
Has come to my attentioo what I is Jeweesh too, kind of. See, them says what if yoos mummoo am Jeweesh then yoo am ooso, an if the Grr am mys mummoo, an Mummoo am hers mummoo, an Nana were hers mummoo, we is oo Jeweesh togethoo. So I is goin to investigate my Jeweesh eriteege, mayboo learn to write the pretty squiggoos as well. Is goin to wear a yarmooke (just looked eet up becoo the Grr had ooways known eet as a kippah, which I found out from Goooooogle am Eebrew, while yarmooke am Yiddeesh. See, I is learnin ooready!) an not has to worry about gettin The Snip. Yoo knows what I means. Is not goin to do a singoo piece o work on the Shoobat – or any othoo day, for that mattoo. Will eat only kosher yeaves.
Once upon a time, Mummoo taught me how to say a baruchah, but has forgotten how eet go. Baruch atoi adenoi, elohanu… somethin somethin. Somethin about bread. Wanteed one about yeaves, but them not eats many yeaves in Israoo. Is not very good at this bein Jeweesh. Is goin to ask Mummoo to remind me very soon. Pease write, Mummoo, an tell me how to be a Mexicoo Jeweesh raf!
One moo pressin questioo: what am the age for a bah mitzvoo for look looks? Becoo, we is matoo at much earlioo than thirteen. Well, as matoo as we is goin to get anyway. Am worrieed what I has miss my chance, must get peopoo to come to a ceremoony where the Flon gets a moo-bleed, then have a big party in an hotel for me, where there am a magicioo where the Grr mishear ‘cheer’ as ‘chair’ becoo her am Stokey. This am oo things what happen at bah mitzvoo, I is told.
Finooy, must splain the titoo: is what yoo gets when the Broos Moo becomes Jeweesh.
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Manuel
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Squeegee
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I don’t know what the typical age for look look bar mitzvahs is, but it is never too late! We know someone who converted to Judaism (or maybe reaffirmed his faith – I am fuzzy on religion) as a grown up, and he had a bar mitzvah and everything.
Comment by Annika — January 12, 2005 @ 12:33 am
I am different religioo so I makes no comment.
Apart from this one! Mwa-ha!
*scarpers*
Comment by Simon — January 12, 2005 @ 12:40 am
The age of thirteen is not about reaching full maturity – the Talmud says that the proper ages for marriage and a career are eighteen and twenty, respectively. The age of thirteen is merely when a child takes repsonsibility for his or her own actions: the father is no longer responsible for the sins of the child. So if Manuel is ready to be responsible for keeping the commandments on his own, he can have a bar mitzvah.
Mazel tov!
Comment by Beth — January 12, 2005 @ 9:47 am
Oooh! Pretty squiggly-lookin’ writin’! We have to check with Jim if there is any chance any of us Bears are Jeweesh so we can make pretty squiggles.
Maybe missed biggoo point of post, though.
OK Bye
Stompy
Comment by Stompy — January 12, 2005 @ 9:19 pm
Neyo Manwoo!
I is very pleased to hear of your interest in yoos roots and in yoos culturoo eritoo and that you is going to learn Eebrew and Yiddeesh and about baruchas and stuff. I will try to help yoo as much as possiboo, thoo I don’t think I can tell you how to be a Mexicoo Jeweesh raf!
I’s glad yoo don’t have to worry about getting The Snip, anywoo. And before yoo worry too much about wearin yarmookes or kippahs, or eatin kosher yeaves, I thought you might like to read somethin I found on the internoo the other doo, what I’s copeed beloo. I thinks it applies to young look-looks, too. I alsoo thinks it might be what Master Squeegee would say to yoo on the subjoo, thoo of coos I can’t speak for him!
Here it is, anywoo:
There in the garden, a young monk speaks: “Master, I’ve been thinking about getting a dogma, and I seek your advice. Any thoughts on the matter?”
The Old Monk collects his thoughts, and calmly replies: “Well my son, everyone has a pet belief, so why should you be any different? Yes, we human beings have had dogmas since the dawn of recorded history. This is understandable. You cannot imagine how comforting it is to curl up with a warm fuzzy dogma on a dark night of the soul. Or to take him to the park on a fine sunny Sunday in January and watch him sniff and chase other dogmas, and bark at strangers.
Some folks keep dogmas for protection. It’s reassuring to have a guard dogma to scare away frightening thoughts – and it’s great to have a loyal companion to fetch you an explanation when you get home from a hard day at work.
And dogmas come in all varieties. Some humans like big dumb dogmas, and others prefer squeaky little irritating ones. And with compassion, someone has to stand for the underdogma. Dogma is truly wo/man’s best friend.
Now, some may ask, why not let sleeping dogmas lie? But who really wants to be lied to? And what about menacing dogmas that bite? Or dogmas that run wild and get in everyone’s garbage? I know, I know you’re probably thinking, “It isn’t my dogma making all the mess, it’s my neighbor’s dogma.”
And indeed you can look out any night and see a pack of aggressive dogmas running down the street chasing a doubt. And what should you do when you are walking down the road and a threatening dogma appears in your path? Stay calm and let the unfamiliar dogma know who’s boss. Say, “Bad dogma, roll over!”
It is a fact of life that dogmas have sharp teeth, and when backed into a corner, they can bite. As a dogma owner it is your responsibility to see that your dogma does not bite. And – if it does, well, sometimes a vicious dogma has to be put down.
Another fact of life is that dogmas inevitably get old and sick. Perhaps you’ve spent years lovingly taking care of a tired old dogma – and still the time comes to put that old dogma to sleep.
It is sad when you must give up a loyal dogma like that – so I say enjoy your dogma while it is alive and playful. You know how uncanny it is that dogma owners come to resemble their dogmas. So, my son, you may have a dogma. But just make sure your dogma doesn’t mess on your neighbor’s lawn.
And know that on non-judgment day, all our dogmas will run free, and surely they will bother no one.
P.S. Always be careful not to run over your dogma with your karma.
Comment by gill — January 13, 2005 @ 9:11 am
Re barmitzvah age for look looks
This is calculated by following formula.
Average life span of male human = 3 score years and ten= x
Average life span of look looks=37 =y
Therefore Barmitzvah age of look looks= 13
______Multiplied by y =6.87 years
x
Please let me know the date of this so that I can book flights and synagogue!
Papa
Comment by Papa — July 19, 2005 @ 11:01 am
Neyo Mr. Papa! Thank yoo for poostin about look looks’ barmitzvoos! Thinks yoo confoose Mr. Eaf, but I understoo simpoo formuloos! Is yoo gettin the 37 from bein half a yuman’s age? Is not sure that am correct. Must discuss eet more when we sees yoo soon, bookin planes an synagoos an stuff!
Comment by Manuel — July 19, 2005 @ 5:30 pm