Hewwo!

I feew I should intwodushe myshewf. I’ve weshentwy woken up fwom a vewy wong shweep, and the Minishter for Wook Wook Wewationsh hershewf, the Grr, hash shet me up with this emaiw addwesh and bwogging thingy sho that I can join in aww theshe shtwange activitiesh that modern wook wooksh get up to theshe daysh.

I’m not quite shure how wong I’ve been hibernating, but I can shay that when I went to shweep there washn’t any shuch thing ash a bwog or emaiw, and I don’t think I knew even a shingwe waf. My name’sh Harmony, and I wash born (or, ash they shay nowadaysh, weshcued fwom the owoo shwoo twoo) in 1988 ash a Care Bear, but the Grr didn’t weawwy know much about Care Bears, sho I wash abwe to shtart to devewop my own pershonawity wight away, and, ash you can shee, my own way of tawking. I washn’t vewy forward and ended up keeping mowe and mowe to myshewf, which ish pwobabwy how I ended up going into hibernation aww thoshe yearsh. Next thing I knew, the Grr’s pawentsh were waking me up shaying it’sh time to go to Texshash! Weww, for a wecwushive homebody who ishn’t weawwy shure where Texshash ish, that short of thing can be a shock to the shyshtem! But what do you know, when I got here I found myshewf eager to get out into the worwd, wearn to tawk waf, wishten to wock ‘n’ woww mushic, and genewawwy shtart doing shtuff again.

The wafs have been vewwy wewcoming to thish owd bear, eshpeciawwy Giwwiam, who ish a shweetheart. The othersh keep teashing me that we are going out, but I’m 18 and he’sh onwy thwee! Mind you, not having got up to aww the shenanigansh that Squeegee awways getsh into, I have aged weww, if I do shay sho myshewf. . .

Now, what button makesh thish thing go?

Appawantwy, accahdin to de dime barrr commoishawls in Engwand, armadiwlos arrr cwunchy ahn de outthide ahnd smooov ahn de inthide. But daht ithnt sthwictwy twooo! Cos i haav a new fwend ahhnd awy who ith an armadiwlo bofe saahft and fwuffy ahn de inthide ahhhnd de outthide!

He/she ith a texoooth armadiwo: Fwahn wethcued him/hoir fwahhn de owoo thwave twade in de Baaahhhb Buwwock Texoooth Thtate Hithtowoo Mootheum to take bahhhck to Hewen in de UK. He ith thaaft ahnd wuvvabe ahnd hath attatcthed itsthewf to my fayth! At foitht i wahhth thwitewy taken abaaahhhk by dith pawathite wike behvioir, but now I weawithe it ith merewey hith way ahv sayin hewo ahnd makin fwendth!

O.

Tho today ith our watht day in texooo. O. Twooo weekth hath gahhn tho qwickwy! I hath had awahht of fun ahnd pwadded many fingth, inwudin Wawwwy who ith vewy nithe ahnd enjoyabuwl to pwaad! I hopth to come bahhck thoon ahnd devouwah anuvver bowl ahhf Quetho (O) ahnd vithit awl de wuk-wukth in de fwoo boo. I wiwl mith dem.

Heya ith a pictcha ahf me ahnd my ath yet unnaymed fwend. Pweathe accthept him/hoir into de fowd ahf wuk-wuks de woiwd ova. Bye bye for now,
wahts ahf pwaadin n thtuf,

Dahn Thqueegioni (O!)

Joy!

Mr. Eaf’s moo am no longer snotty! Commence Operatioo Ossicones-up-moo!

Neyo! Don Squeegioni weportin fwaam de haaart of texath! i is cuwentwy a guest heyu in d apaaahtment ahf daatho (O) and mithta eeef. mothtwy i hav bin sthpendin motht my time in d fwoo boo. I wikes to be in d fwoo boo, ath i ith thumwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat of a thewebwity in deeth paahhts!

I wikes my thtatuth of infamoo, in d U.K. i hahhdwy get any attenthion exthept d occathional thqueethin of d hed and pawin d wahhter ahhn. But i knows now why ben ahhhfweck complainth stho much- fame cahhn be a dwain ahhn a poithon! I finksth I wahnts to be a pahht-time thewebwity, wahn dat can wetweat under me feth when d wimewight gethts to me.

Anyhoooo (O) i would wike to concwude dat I is bein made to feewl vewy welcome by all d indiginous wuk-wuks of d wone-sthtarrr sthtate. The mostht enjoyable pahht of d twip hath been pwaaadin sthtuff i wudn’t uthuawy be able to pwaaaad. And pwaaadin dem in a texooo sthtywl.

Fahnk you everywahhn for yaah attenthion: i ith gonna have me head sqtheethed now, den immoith mythewf in a giant bowl ahhf queso. O.

Joy.

Sthpooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. O.

This just in: Mr. Eaf have a snotty moo.